You can accept what’s not good for you and still find yourself settling for less than you think you deserve when you don’t feel good enough. In my practice, I deal with women who chase the feeling of being good enough. When you put your worth in the hands of someone else, you become vulnerable to feeling “less than.” Surely, it is better to make decisions based on a strong sense of self-worth and attract what you want — and deserve — in a partner? RELATED: Be Strong Enough To Let Go And Smart Enough To Know You Deserve Better
But how do you know when you’re settling for less than you deserve in a relationship?
When you abandon yourself to get the love you think you want, you end up feeling rejected for who you are and feeling that your needs don’t matter to your partner.
If you don’t recognize your worth, you just might settle for less than you’re worth.
You have to know exactly what you’re worth and treat yourself the way you would like to be treated, so you know what kind of person you wish to attract in a partner. Focus on learning about yourself first and you will recognize the warning signs if someone is not right for you. Instead of asking yourself, “Am I good enough?” ask yourself, “Are they good enough for me?” How do you know if the person you love actually deserves your love?
Here are 13 signs the person you love doesn’t deserve you.
1. They’re not invested in the relationship.
Slowly they start withdrawing from you. They stop showing an interest in anything in your life because they’re not interested. They avoid spending time with you because they’re not invested in the relationship.
2. They drip feed you with love when they have no one else.
They want you only when they’re lonely and want you on their terms. You’re simply there to fill the empty void when they have no one else. RELATED: You Can’t Change A Man Who Doesn’t See An Issue With His Actions
3. You started going out with them for all the wrong reasons.
You got scared of not finding anyone else. Perhaps, you hooked up with them to get over your ex because you feared being alone or single. You ignored the red flags because you saw their potential. You felt sorry for them or thought they could change. Perhaps, they have too much left-over baggage that is weighing on you. Be careful of falling for someone because of how they made you feel in the beginning if you don’t even like the person. Anyone can tell you what you want to hear in order to get their needs met.
4. You’re a secondary option, not the first choice.
Don’t choose someone who hasn’t chosen you. If they tell you they’re not ready for a relationship, it’s a clear sign this is not what you deserve. Don’t hold on hoping you can convince them to prove you’re worthy of their love. RELATED: Women Who End Up Happier After A Breakup Never Skip This ‘Golden’ Healing Step
5. The relationship feels one-sided.
Perhaps you’re the giver, and they are the taker? Are you the only one making all the contact? They don’t put any effort into the relationship and prioritize their own self-interests.
6. They insult you personally.
They belittle you by finding faults in you, so you feel there is something wrong with you.
7. They don’t seem to want a relationship but won’t give you up.
Keeping you, so you’re holding on by a thread means they maintain their hooks in you. Be careful of someone who doesn’t want a relationship but doesn’t want to give you up — this gives them permission to have their cake and eat it too. RELATED: If You’re Starting To Wonder If You Deserve Better — You Do
8. You’re treated like their ‘side chick’ and not their lover.
Be careful of anyone who keeps you as their ‘side chick." They make you feel adored, but in reality, they keep you like a dirty secret who is unknown to their friends or family.
9. You’ve fallen in love with the person you think they are, not the real person.
You can hold onto the person you want them to be when their actions don’t match their words. Sometimes, it’s difficult to accept things when they don’t become the person you envisaged them to be.
10. Their paranoid fears and insecurities are killing the relationship.
No matter how much you love them, it will feel like it’s not enough effort. They keep testing your love to prove how much you love them, wanting more from you. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for them. RELATED: 7 Sweet Things Men Do When They Like A Woman Authentically
11. They twist your words and turn things around so you’re ’to blame.’
Everything you say gets misconstrued and turned against you. When you pull them up on their behavior, they gaslight you so you doubt yourself. They don’t see you for who you are.
12. They’re emotionally unavailable.
They will dismiss your feelings and tell you to get over it, instead of wanting to understand how you feel.
13. They project their faults onto you.
They accuse you of cheating, lying or being selfish when this represents who they are, but are not willing to look at themselves. If you’re treated like any of these, the person you love doesn’t deserve your love. They don’t love you for who you are but for what they can get from you. You deserve more than the breadcrumbs of affection. To attract the right partner, you deserve a love that is reciprocal. When you accept who you are, you can attract someone who accepts you for who you are. Once you start to know your worth, you can attract the love you truly deserve. You attract someone who treats you the way you allow them to treat you. It starts with you and then you attract someone who resonates with how you treat yourself. When you stop attracting what’s not good for you, you will attract someone who’s aligned with who you are. This way, you can feel loved for the person that you are. You can attract a partner who accepts you for who you are and not simply based on what they need from you. When you place true value on yourself, you won’t settle for less than you deserve. RELATED: Why A Woman Is Unstoppable In Finding Love When She Realizes She Deserves Better Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist with a M.Soc.Sc (Couns) and an upcoming author who helps women get the love they deserve.
