You talk about life and challenges. You listen to each other, and you think, “wow, this person is nice, we get along great.” Life moves forward as you keep building what feels like a solid relationship. But eventually you run into a conflict. RELATED: If He Does These 12 Things, You’re In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship After your first disagreement, it may seem like what was once a good connection has completely flipped. You take a step back because now it feels confusing. There’s an animosity. It’s not spoken out loud, but you can feel the tension in the air. You try to reach out, but he becomes vague. It seems like he’s not really sure what you’re asking. You try to be clearer, but you both just go around in circles a few times. You can tell he’s getting exhausted and truthfully so are you. You’re trying to make sense out of what feels confusing. It’s no longer clear and safe. This is where you both end up playing the “silent game” for a while. Eventually time passes and you feel yourselves connecting again. You’re laughing, creating that familiar banter that you love so much. And the sex? Well, that’s another amazing thing altogether. You chalk it all up to nothing more than a misunderstanding. You must have misread in some way. After all, relationships are confusing at times, you both think differently, and misunderstandings happen. Sometimes, you get out of sync. This is normal. Statistics show that couples tend to disagree a majority of the time. In fact, unless you’re in a relationship with someone exactly like you (highly unlikely, and kinda narcissistic), you won’t see things in quite the same way. RELATED: If You’re Saying This ‘Red Flag’ Phrase To Your Partner, There’s A Problem But some people disagree too much, or in a way that isn’t healthy. After all, even when you disagree, you should always how respect toward one another.
So how can you tell if he is going to respect you, even when you disagree? Here are 5 ways to know early on.
1. He respects other women in his life.
It might sound out of left field because it seems to have little to do with you. But how a man respects other women (his mother, sisters, female friends or co-workers) says a lot about his view of women in general, and ultimately, how he will treat you in the long run.
2. He respects waiters/waitresses.
How does he treat those in the service industry? Does he talk down to them, seem dismissive and arrogant or does he seem caring and patient, especially if someone makes a mistake? How he speaks with or talks about those who are in the service industry speaks to the maturity of a man (and anyone, really). RELATED: 3 Things To Do When Your Guy Hurt Your Feelings & You’re Totally Pissed Off
3. He respects himself.
He takes care of himself, and not in a self-absorbed way. He is aware of the importance of balancing his needs with the needs of others. He is open to learning and growing while at the same time, confident in his thoughts and direction in life.
4. You respect him.
Do you respect him as a person? No matter what you say to him or how to you try to explain your side of a conflict, if there is an underlying contempt, he will feel it and mirror your energy. It is often done subconsciously but is the nature of the “relationship dance”.
5. You feel emotionally safe with him.
Do you feel safe to be honest with him about how you feel? Do you feel the freedom to disagree? If there are any reservations, you will feel it in your body. Your body is a wealth of information on how safe or unsafe you feel in any relationship. Now that I’ve shared with you the seemingly perfect man, keep in mind, he doesn’t exist. Even the best guy will shut down, get angry sometimes, and become self-absorbed. But neither are you perfect. We are human, after all. The question is, are you both perfect together and committed to respecting one another? To know if you have what it takes, the #1 thing to keep in mind is that you must feel safe. Emotional safety is the foundation of a solid relationship that will help you both grow in other areas that still need work. RELATED: If A Guy Does These 7 Things, He Doesn’t Respect You Britta Neinast is a relationship coach. For more information on her services, visit her website. This article was originally published at Facebook. Reprinted with permission from the author.
