The study, titled, “Investigation of Consensually Nonmonogamous Relationships,” investigates CNM (consensual non-monogamous) relationships, specifically relationships in which the participants identify as swingers, polyamorous, or in open relationships, in comparison to the more traditional monogamous union. The focus of the study was to shed some light on the benefits (if any) of a consensually non-monogamous relationship by examining individuals in both consensual non-monogamous and monogamous relationships. RELATED: 7 Tips For Couples To Have Fun With Ethical Non-Monogamy Through the course of the research, the panel conducting the study found some very interesting and beneficial aspects for those who choose to participate in CNM relationships. Overall, the study concluded that when a CNM relationship is pitted against the more traditional monogamous model there is no difference in satisfaction, commitment, or passionate love between those in the two related models. (Even those who conducted the study were somewhat surprised!) This finding goes against what so many want to believe when touting the praises of one relationship model over another. Which, on a side note, we shouldn’t be in the habit of doing anyway. I always tend to revert back to the belief that if a couple has taken the time to communicate and agree to a specific relationship model, we as a society should be applauding those couples instead of stigmatizing them for finding a prototype that works for them. The fact that the study was able to scientifically acknowledge the CNM relationship model as not only a viable relationship option but in some cases a more advantageous option is groundbreaking! This research opens up CNM as a feasible choice and shows that it just might be a healthier option.
Here are five ways open relationships are better for you, according to science:
Before listing some of the revelations of this trailblazing research, I want to point out that the focus of my article isn’t meant to discount the benefits of a traditional monogamous relationship because, like a CNM relationship model, monogamy is just another relationship model. My review of this research is meant to bring attention to some often ignored or discounted (and now scientifically proven) facts about a relationship style that can and does have just as strong of a foundation as more socially accepted models.
1. Lack of jealousy.
The study concluded that those who participate in a CNM relationship actually reveal lower levels of jealousy and higher levels of satisfaction than those in a more traditional monogamous relationship. The study determined that one reason behind this finding is in part due to the fact that those in CNM relationships are allowed these extradyadic behaviors, whereas those in monogamous relationships are not. Those in CNM relationships are also not as driven to look through their partner’s phone, email or social media accounts as a more relaxed gender norm appears to be present.
2. High levels of trust.
Again, the findings showed a significantly higher level of trust among those in a CNM relationship model (especially those in polyamorous unions) compared to those in traditional monogamous relationships. One of the most interesting revelations of this particular issue was the way in which trust was viewed in each model. Monogamous participants believe that a CNM relationship would seriously undermine their trust in a partner, while CNM participants praise the high levels of trust in their relationship as the cornerstone of the union. The study states that this may be due in part to the fact that those in CNM relationships tend to, “remove barriers to trustworthiness by easing strict lines of sexual faithfulness.” RELATED: I Tried Being The Third Person In An Open Relationship & Here’s What Happened
3. Very low levels of abuse.
According to the research, abuse (or as the study calls it, intimate partner violence), often categorized by isolation and restricted access to others, is a notable social issue in society today. As per the definition, individuals who engage in abusive behavior wouldn’t be likely to tolerate a CNM relationship, but because those in CNM relationships not only have access to but mutually encourage extradyadic relationships, abuse does not fall in line with the tenants of a CNM relationship model. A big thumbs up to another beneficial aspect of a swinging/open/poly marriage!
4. Social support networks.
This deals with our support group and the way in which we perceive our relationship. I’ve talked in the past about what can happen when we focus all our attention on our partner; when we expect our partner to be our everything! The study found that those who rely exclusively on one person and/or force that person into an “on call, 24/7” schedule, as can often be the case when talking about a traditional monogamous relationship, are, “associated with poorer psychosocial outcomes, as evidenced by the psychological fallout of divorce.” But, “on the other hand, the social support literature indicates that people who have a large array of (all types of) relationships (like those in the CNM community) have better outcomes in times of stress.” RELATED: Why Sleeping With Other People Makes Me Appreciate My Marriage More
5. Failed relationships don’t exist.
I know what you’re thinking: “Wait, how in the world does failure end up on this list?” According to the study, researchers found that when dealing with a monogamous relationship, if the marriage dissolves, the marriage is deemed a “failed relationship.” However, when dealing with, say, for instance, a polyamorous relationship, a subsequent relationship doesn’t mean the dissolution of the previous relationship. I don’t have to fall prey to viewing my relationships from the standpoint of success or failure — they’re all successes because of what each relationship brings to the table. In a swinging/open/poly relationship, there’s a no-fail zone. One of the most important pieces of information from this study was the validity of the swinging/poly/open relationship model from a scientific standpoint. Yes, I tout the praises of my relationship model all day long, but to have the backing of such an extensive study brings weighted credibility to the lifestyle. The more forthright those of us within the lifestyle can feel about this incredible relationship model, the more we can begin to debunk the myths and stigma surrounding the lifestyle. And as more studies are conducted and more scientific research confirms the benefits of CNM relationships, I hope that couples will feel free to create a tailor-made union that fits their needs. RELATED: The 3 Golden Rules That Make Our Open Relationship Work Seamlessly Jackie Melfi is in an open relationship with her husband, John. They are the creators of the award-winning swingers’ lifestyle blog Openlove101 and Colette, an exclusive upscale swingers’ club with multiple locations in the USA. This article was originally published at Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission from the author.
