Posting to the “r/AmITheA–hole” (AITA) subReddit, a forum where users try to figure out if they were in the wrong in a conflict, she explained what happened. In her post, the woman wrote that her 14-year-old autistic daughter has “terrible hygiene,” especially during her monthly menstrual cycle. Despite repeatedly telling her daughter that her hygiene habits are inviting bullying at school, her daughter has “ignored” all of her warnings. RELATED: 10 Ways Neurotypical People Can Communicate Better With Autistic Friends & Family
The woman decided to teach her daughter a lesson by sending her to school in white pants during her period.
The woman wrote that getting her daughter to shower, brush her teeth or clean up after herself while menstruating requires constant “fighting.” So she was curious if drastic measures would get through to her. She wrote that she “wanted to see if she would clean up after herself so that the pants would be clean when she came back home.” Before she had even dropped her daughter off at school, she had bled on her pants. But she refrained from telling her daughter, reasoning that she needs to learn how being “a slob” will impact her social life. RELATED: 10 Tough Truths From A Mom With A Child On The Autism Spectrum
Her daughter was mercilessly bullied at school for her stained pants.
The woman wrote that her daughter “came home in tears” because her fellow students were “ruthless” in mocking the stains. She wrote that while it hurt her to see her daughter subjected to such cruelty, “I was not seeing the changes that need to be made.” She maintained that the trick was “a life lesson,” and in the end, it worked—her daughter “took good care of herself” from then on. Her husband was infuriated with her for her approach, however, saying their daughter “will be paying for this for the rest of the school year.” RELATED: Teen With Special Needs In Tears As Bullies Shave His Head While Security Guard & Classmates Laugh
Reddit users were almost unanimously horrified by the trick she played on her daughter, and many called it abusive.
Most agreed that there were no two ways about this—the woman set her daughter up to be humiliated and traumatized. One wrote that the woman had “set her child up to be mocked - what an awful thing to do.” And given how destructive to mental health bullying can be, many users were furious. As one put it, “I dont think she realizes how bad bullying can be and how much it can affect kids?…do you know there are kids that hurt themselves because they cannot take it?” “You’re not just [the a–hole] but you are a bully and potentially SERIOUSLY harming your child?” Others were far more blunt, like a user who wrote, “What a terrible mother, does she actually like her daughter?” “Does she know how hard her life can be in [high school] because of this sh-t, there’s other ways to teach a lesson.” Others pointed out that understanding social cues like hygiene standards can be profoundly difficult for autistic people, making this move all the more damaging. One user wrote, “…autism often comes with problems in social understanding. The daughter mostly didn’t understand how much her hygiene affects others.” “There were so many other ways. But OP chose humiliation…her daughter will end up getting bullied for this for a long time. As if she doesn’t stand out with her autism enough.” And several felt the woman’s “tough love” rose to the level of ableist abuse. As one Redditor put it, “You should rephrase your question for accuracy.” “Try this: [Am I the a–hole] for sadistically setting my autistic daughter up for public humiliation?” “Why yes, yes you are the a–hole. An abusive one at that.” RELATED: Man Feels Regret For Throwing Away Autistic Best Friend’s Security Blanket After His Girlfriend Told Him To John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.
