And yes, we all have certain things we may view as tolerable for us as individuals that may not be tolerable for another person, but there are some key traits that don’t belong in a healthy relationship. If you often find yourself in miserable or abusive situations with men, you might be in a toxic relationship and should take a step back and view the relationship as a whole. Many women who are in toxic relationships tend to judge “per action,” meaning if a guy does something right, it seems to cancel out the wrong, but it doesn’t work like that. RELATED: 15 Definitive Signs You’re With A Good Man (As Written By One)
Here are 10 things a good man in a healthy relationship will never, ever do:
1. He won’t hold your past against you.
A man in a healthy relationship making healthy choices will never fling your past in your face. He won’t beat you down with your past mistakes. He won’t judge you with fire and brimstone for who you were before you met him. He sees you for who you are today. RELATED: The 10 Different Types Of Guys — And What Your Attraction To Each Of Them Says About You
2. He won’t put you second.
Yes, there are times you need to be put second to his family, himself and his kids if he’s got them, but a man in a healthy relationship will find a way to make you a priority. If you find yourself being in the metaphorical backseat to his friends or other individuals constantly, it’s not a good thing. RELATED: 10 Small But Powerful Things Men Do Differently When They Want To Marry You
3. He won’t shame you for your sexual desires or preferences.
If your guy gives you crap about not wanting to perform certain physical acts or shames you for wanting certain things in the bed, this is not a healthy relationship. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule: Are your preferences destructive to your relationship or to yourself? If so, he has the right to say no. Are you shutting him down physically all the time? If so, the issue resides with you. RELATED: 10 Ways The Right Person Will Love You
4. He won’t expect you to fulfill all of his fantasies.
Obviously, we would all love a partner who wanted to act out our every fantasy and desire, but that’s not reality. A man in a healthy relationship will not expect you to act like an adult film star, but as a human with equal say on the kind of intimate life you two have together. RELATED: The Secret Thing Men Want More Than Love (And How To Give It To Them)
5. He won’t belittle or talk down to you.
A good man respectfully addresses you, even when he is mad. A man who talks down to you or speaks to you with a lack of respect is not what you need.
6. He won’t withdraw from you emotionally as punishment.
Sure, from time to time your man will withdraw to his “man cave” if he’s feeling stressed or upset. A healthy man will then approach you when he’s ready to talk. But a man who is unhealthy will withdraw from you coldly as punishment, without saying why. He will limit your ability to reach him in a healthy manner for possibly days or weeks. When it hurts so bad, you know he’s retreated as punishment. If you are feeling concerned but know he’s working through something at the moment, it’s healthy. RELATED: 11 Ways To Know If You’re Wife Material, According To Men
7. He won’t discount your feelings.
Does he tell you how you overreact or are sensitive all the time? Are all of your feelings invalidated? A man in a healthy relationship will not discount your feelings constantly, making you feel as if there is something wrong with you. RELATED: 10 Things Guys Notice When Choosing The Woman They’re Going To Marry
8. He won’t make fun of you in front of friends.
Sure, there is teasing, but then there is malicious commentary. The guy that pokes at you, your job, or your clothes in front of a group of his buddies is a jerk and a masochist. Dump him. RELATED: 16 Things Couples That Actually Stay Together For Life Do Differently
9. He won’t avoid soothing your fears or insecurities.
A good man will help you confront your fears after a fight the two of you had, or a bad situation or event that unsettled you. The unhealthy man doesn’t have time to make you feel better, nor does he care why you’re upset. RELATED: 11 Mistakes Women Make That Hurt Their Chances Of Finding A Good Man
10. He won’t be selfish.
A good man can give back without being selfish. He wants to give you his all. He wants to be his best self. An unhealthy in a relationship will take without giving back and won’t apologize for it. And even if he does apologize, he won’t change his behavior and will most likely take, again and again and again. RELATED: 6 Sweet Signs You’re Already In The RIGHT Relationship Laura Lifshitz is a former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate who writes about divorce, relationships, parenting, marriage and more for YourTango, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Working Mother, and Pop Sugar.
