During our two-month courtship period, we vowed to be with each other. When it came time to complete the formalities of a legal marriage, we decided to have a simple, traditional wedding. RELATED: 3 Things Arranged Marriages Get RIGHT About Finding True Love I know many people think an arranged marriage can never work and we can never be truly happy. Well, yesterday, we completed seven years of marriage. And I am incredibly happy.
Photo: Author
What 7 Years In An Arranged Marriage Taught Me About True Love
2. True love lies in growth.
Some days you contribute more and some days he does. There maybe days when one of you brings zero to the table and the other brings the entire 100. Do not get lost in keeping score. Life’s matters are subjective. They cannot be objectified in numbers and units. With time, I learned to mark his presence with his gestures and intentions. I understood that he is simply a lazy bum who doesn’t like moving around, but he genuinely loves me and that is more important. He is never late to help whenever he sees me getting exhausted, but if I ask him to do it on his own, he won’t listen. More than the numbers, focus on the intent. Does he intend to help you around the house? Does she want to accompany you to the soccer game but really can’t? Give your spouse the points they deserve. Every state of being comes from within — stress, anxiety, jealousy, happiness, contentment, and peace. Your brain (and thus, its thoughts) play the most important character in your life. It decides how you respond to a situation, and your response decides what you experience in return. I noticed a drastic change in my marriage after I deliberately made attempts to count the blessings more and ignore the petty negatives. The day I changed my pattern of thinking, my marriage got infinitely better. RELATED: What It’s Like To Have A Matchmaker Find You A Husband At Age 19
5. Bad health is Pandora’s box.
Weight gain is the most common problem and that leads to several other health issues: High BP, diabetes, anxiety, and depression. These are all side effects of not taking good care of your health. There was a time when I tried hard to lose weight and gave in to fad diets. I remained hungry for hours at a stretch, and while I didn’t lose an ounce, I did lose mental peace. I became irritated and cranky, and that only made matters worse in my relationship. Bad health reflects in our mood, and that affects how we behave with people around us. Losing your temper on every little thing and constantly nagging on errands is a sign that you need to check your health records. We are taught from the beginning that divorce is not a good option, and this makes us give our best to our marriage. I am in no way bound to stay married if I am truly unhappy, but I do not have the freedom to simply leave the moment I please. I must have valid, concrete reasons to step out. I can’t just pack my bags on a whim. Marriage is challenging. It would be so easy to walk away from 100 marriages the moment something upsets us or doesn’t feel good. But since I do not have this option, I need to look for a substantially major reason to leave my husband — and in the last seven years, I haven’t found any. Photo: Author When I gave up the opportunity to live and work in a developed country, I wasn’t a tiny bit regretful. I knew the small, little things I was gaining for this lovely choice I made would bring me more happiness. And with time, that has proved true. The on-site opportunity with a hefty pay package did seem like a big thing at first, but then I looked at my 6-month-old daughter and my happy marriage, and I knew that the “big job” I passed up wasn’t that important in life. To add to it, he doesn’t believe in symbolic dates, either. To him, all days are the same, of the same value. How we spend them is what matters to him the most. With time, his effect has rubbed on me too, for the better. Forget the big date — it is just a number. Moments are more significant. Later in life, we do not cherish the numeric date of a celebration, we remember the memories created in the life we shared. You see, didn’t I just say, “Gifts aren’t his language?” Fortunately, they aren’t mine either. RELATED: 3 Reasons Why You Should Marry FIRST And Fall In Love Later Surabhi Surendra blogs at Womanatics, where she writes about love and relationships. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
