It’s not fun to learn the guy you love wasn’t ready to be your husband, but it might help to understand that it really wasn’t personal. You might not have won his heart, but it wasn’t about you. Rest assured it was more than likely him. The way I see it, as a relationship coach and man myself, the difference between men and women is that men don’t fall in love — they decide to love and then determine they’re ready for marriage based on three factors. RELATED: 11 Ways To Know If You’re Wife Material, According To Men
The three factors that determine if a man is ready to be a husband, according to a relationship coach:
1. The right timing
You know they say timing is everything. Well, that’s an understatement for men. Timing is the only thing to men. You may say, “I get it but what does ’timing’ mean to a man?” Thoughtful men base their decisions on facts, not feelings. They need to know their goals are on track. Men need accomplishment and cannot sleep at night if they don’t know where they’re going. It’s a simple equation. Once they know where they’re going, they decide whom they’re going with. There is no other way and this can save you a lot of heartache because it’s not about you. This leads to factor number 2, which is about you. RELATED: 3 Secret Reasons Men Eventually Leave ‘Good’ Women
2. His belief that he can improve someone’s life
Considerate, empathetic men ask themselves this one simple question when they meet a new prospective romantic partner: “How can I make their life better than it is now?” If the answer is, “I probably can’t,” then there’s no deal. These men won’t marry until they are in a position to make a real difference in someone’s life. They have to be able to make your life better. This is in contrast to the low-maturity men who are looking for a romantic partner merely to be their caretaker. Watch out for them — and move on when you meet one. RELATED: 10 Things Guys Notice When Choosing The Woman They’re Going To Marry
3. His maturity level
Maturity level might be the most frustrating factor because men can go years or decades without reaching true maturity — then suddenly have it. Which explains their apparently snap decisions when they decide they are ready to make a lifetime commitment. Of course, it’s not a complete mystery. Look at his family life. Are his parents together? What’s his relationship with his mom? It’s a sad but true fact that people raised in single-parent homes don’t know how to marry. They’ve been taught to go it alone. Fortunately, we are not set in stone. However please be aware that uphill battles are not a lot of fun. The benefit of experience is maturity (ideally), which is why timing is so important. It’s easy to tell what moves a man to marry — the timing is right, he’s ready to improve someone else’s life, and he’s finally reached true maturity. RELATED: 10 Small But Powerful Things Men Do Differently When They Want To Marry You James Allen Hanrahan is a relationship expert, author, speaker, an educator of effective communication strategies for male/female relationships. He is a certified ASR educator and T.A. practitioner. This article was originally published at James Allen Hanrahan’s website. Reprinted with permission from the author.
