The only time a man wants a relationship is when he thinks he can’t afford to lose you, and the thought of you dating and being with another man is too much for him. Why would he want to give up a good thing, right? You may be thinking how that is even going to happen. After all, he’s either said up front that he’s not ready for a relationship, or he’s hinted that committing to you just isn’t in the cards. RELATED: Why He Keeps You Around Even If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship And rather than move on to someone else so quickly, you probably want to get to the nitty-gritty of why he feels that way. The good news is the reason most likely isn’t you. That still doesn’t mean you don’t want to find out the truth.
Here’s what to do when he says he doesn’t want a relationship (if you do).
1. Say, “I understand.”
This is a key response when a man says he isn’t ready to commit. When a man says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, the first thing to say is, “I understand.” Then, say nothing else. Pause, wait, and then he will magically begin to respond and explain his reasons. If at no point you argued with him, or tried to discount and change his mind, you have accomplished step one. Why is this so effective? By saying, “I understand,” he will think you do understand him, which is a great relief to him. Thus, he will begin to relax and open up to you. Congratulations! That was definitely not an easy thing to do. RELATED: 3 Reasons To Stop Chasing The Guy Who Doesn’t Want You
2. Commit to not having casual sex with him.
After he thinks you understand him and you haven’t tried to change him, he will want to have sex with you. He may not be interested in commitment, but there’s still something primal about men. When he does hint or straight-up voice his interested in taking you to bed, tell him all the things you like and appreciate about him. Then, say these magic words: “I’ve made a commitment to myself not to have casual sex. The next person I have sex with will be with a man who wants to build with me.” After you say that, look off into the distance. This is where he gets the chance to be your hero because he’s attracted to your virtue and confidence. And men want to be your hero. Men marry virtue. And there’s nothing sexier than confidence, right?
3. Say nothing more after that.
At this point, he may attempt to argue with you. If that happens, you say, “I understand.” You have planted the seed and, believe me, he heard you! By letting him know what you want — both generally in life, and not specifically with him — you give him the opportunity, with no pressure from you, to think that being in a relationship with you is his idea. Because you know that if it’s not with him, it will be someone else. And he definitely doesn’t want that! He doesn’t want to lose a great thing. It takes a lot of patience to pull this off, and while it might be hard to have a conversation like this, it really does work. RELATED: 9 Intense Mind Games Men Play & Why They’re Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach. Visit his website for more information.
